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​3 signs you're feeling sorry for yourself - and what to do about it

Posted by Jayne Tancred on

When there's a lot going on in our worlds, many of us naturally retreat inwards for a time to rebuild our energy, take shelter in our homes and find comfort in our own company. But it can also be easy to start feeling sorry for yourself... sometimes without even realising it!

Woman sits on a rock, looking sadly out to sea

Here are three of the most common energetic patterns we come across in our work that may signal you've fallen into a pattern of self-pity, and our top tips for helping yourself to snap out of it. We hope you find them helpful!

1. You keep fantasising about being rescued

Maybe you daydream about winning the lottery, being swept off your feet by a knight in shining armour or your boss being sacked and finally being out of your hair.

No matter what form your fantasy takes, when you find yourself falling into these types of patterns, stop and tune in for a moment.

Is the real issue that you’re not feeling strong enough to do what needs to be done to change your circumstances?

Giving yourself a stern talking to might be tempting, but we recommend a kind, compassionate approach instead.

Start by reassuring yourself about how very strong you are (the many times you’ve endured hardship and overcome obstacles in the past provides ample evidence of that).

Next ask yourself to dig deep and find the energy and commitment to keep going. For some inspiration to help you channel your inner warrior, check out Amy Cuddy’s TedX talk on how changing your posture can help boost your confidence, and for flower essence support, try Dragon Slayer™, which is available as either a single flower essence or as part of our Dream Activator™ Gift Pack.

2. You think the solution is for other people to change

Ever catch yourself thinking, “I’d be okay if only he / she / they would stop doing this, that or the other thing?”

Handing responsibility for your wellbeing to someone else in that way isn’t helpful, because it leaves you feeling disempowered. Furthermore, when we fall into this pattern (and let’s face it, almost all of us do from time to time), we also become inclined to nag and criticise, which in turn has a nasty habit of breeding resentment in both the giver and the receiver.

The healthier approach is to detach from the actions of others (or their inaction, in some cases), and bring your energy and attention back to yourself. What steps could you take in order to feel better about your situation?

Sometimes it’s as simple as deciding to step back and let go of your ideas about how others ‘should’ behave or feel. Another tried and trusted option is to practice visualising yourself surrounded by a column of white light that cleanses your energetic field and signals your intention to remain immune to any negativity around you.

Our flower essence Up, Up & Away™ may also help. It’s on a mission to remind us all to love and look after ourselves, and can be particularly enlightening to work with when you’ve gotten into the habit of allowing other people’s actions to dictate your sense of happiness or wellbeing. Up, Up & Away™ is available as a single flower essence, and is also available in our Quietly Confident™ Gift Pack.

3. You keep getting up on the wrong side of the bed

Have you gotten into the habit of allowing little things to make you feel irritable or indignant? That’s easily done if you’re focusing on things that feel overwhelming or heavy – like all those things you ‘should’ be getting done but either can’t manage or aren’t inspired by.

When you fall into this pattern, it’s also easy to forget that in the vast majority of circumstances, it’s possible to go through life choosing to be cheerful, and to look for a silver lining wherever possible.

Here at Tribe HQ, one of the teachings from the trees that really resonates with us when we’re feeling sorry for ourselves comes from the Conesticks plant, secret ingredient in Lighten Up, Buttercup™. It goes like this, and we often meditate on it when we're finding it difficult to remember to choose the path of ease and grace:

Nowhere is it written that you came into this life for the express purpose of worrying or being serious. You have a bountiful planet, a joyful collection of souls around you, and a divine purpose while on this earth: have fun, learn some stuff and share your love and light.

Lighten Up, Buttercup Flower Essence Kit, comprising positivity-promoting Lighten Up, Buttercup flower remedy and Lighten Up, Buttercup Flower Essence Spray

Lighten Up, Buttercup™ reminds you not to take life too seriously. It’s great to work with when you’ve become grumpy or pessimistic, and can help to boost the spirits of adults and kids alike. It’s available as a single flower essence or in our Life of the Party™ Gift Pack and Lighten Up, Buttercup™ Kit, which also contains an uplifting flower essence mist with a fresh and cheery lemon-y scent.

Bonus tip:

If you are feeling sorry for yourself, please don't beat yourself up. It really doesn't help, and nor does denying, masking or suppressing feelings that are real for you. If you're going through something that's difficult to deal with or has persisted for a while, it may be that the kindest and most loving thing you can do for yourself is to seek professional support. A trusted health practitioner is a great place to start - even if they can't help you themselves they may well be able to recommend someone who can


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